if i were a painter…

I’m at home alone this summer. My housemates have gone on holiday to Thailand and the USA respectively. I’m staying in Leicester to work on a research project.. and basically because I’ve already gone back to Malaysia in May for Abraham’s wedding. And also because I get paid £180 a week

It’s such a different experience. Working regular hours in the lab, coming home, cooking, cleaning, feeding the gerbills, watering the plants, entertaining guests in between… not that I normally don’t cook, clean or work (haha..i wish!), but i haven’t had this TOTAL responsibility of running the house and actually caring for living things (or risk them dying!). Usually there’re housemates to share the workload with. In fact it strangely feels easier that I’m the only one doing it coz I just get on with it, and not feel stressed by the feeling of needing to share jobs or cleaning up after someone else (now i just sound terribly selfish don’t I? But i don’t mean it in a selfish way.. just saying that it’s less stressful and draining).

Am actually loving this experience.. despite being alone in the house. It actually feels good to be comfortable with just myself, and pottering around getting things done in my own time with no disruptions. I think it also helps to actually have work to do and friends to visit when I get bored! Anyhow I’m actually finding it really liberating to feel that I can live by myself and not feel dependant on anybody. 

Which brings me to a next thought…I was thinking today that if I have an enjoyable career, and a solid group of friends around me, I don’t really see the need to marry or have a ‘life partner’ or whatever they’re called. From the sound of it, a relationship is so much hassle for someone who may not even appreciate it in the end! Ok, am not bitter about anything, but just pondering… after hearing stories lately about women who were left by men who cited the ‘fell out of love’ bullcrap as the reason for leaving. Only problem about this not caring about marrying is that I want kids… and that’s where I actually need a man… unless another immaculate conception occurs..haha! Well there’s adoption i suppose..but its not really the same thing…

Am finding a deeper meaning to the commonly used phrased "God is more than enough for me" because it’s so true.. God is providing everything I need now.. and its so liberating not having to crave the love of any man! And anyway, I know for sure that only Jesus’ love never fails…

I’m not a total feminist. I do think men and women can complement  each other beautifully and accomplish magic when it happens. Unfortunately being magic, we can’t just make it up. But for now till some magic appears in my life, it’s such a grand feeling to feel FREE.