if i were a painter…

Another one bites the dust…

On the alter of sacrifice…

A stag is caught.

Heheheheheheh… no no no… am not against mariage!! Am really overjoyed that he’s getting married to his really long term girlfriend.

Only thing not happy about is that they’ve been engaged for weeks and registering tomorrow and I just found out yesterday. Nobody bothers telling me anything no more! For all I know, my younger sister is married too! (no she’s not)

So 2 brothers married, big sis with Aussie rugby player hunk, what’s the Gail left with?

I’m still an accomplished bachelorette. Why am I still single? I don’t know. Am I not brave enough? Not true… I think I’m a brave (enough) person. Are there no good guys around? Not true… I know some cool males. Am I just unattractive?

sigh.

I don’t think so. God says I’m beautiful!! And that’s good enoughfor me!!

Well I’m happy:) I think either way I’m happy…. so it’s not even an issue… it happens when it happens… nuff said.

is a rubbish concept.

A year ago, I’d be horrified to say that. In our Malaysian schooling system, we’ve been brought up to think that we must "memelihara budaya dan gaya hidup timur", and "Biar lupa nama, jangan lupa adat" (something like that.. i lupa already - alas!)

Of course one shouldnt forget where one came from, but that doesnt mean that one should be bound to ones past, and not change, if change is good.

I had such big arguments with Grace..my dear big sister the anthropologist whom i thought studied ‘culture’. But she is against the idea of ‘culture’. Totally. And it took some time for my thick skull to grasp why. SO here’s why.

Why do we need to preserve our usual way of doing things when there’re new discoveries, new way of doing things, or when the old ideas are just downright stewpid and wrong?

Look at the Meiji Revolution in Japan.. it takes a visionary to say, "OK, out with the old way of thinking, we need to get out of this rut and move on". Yeah, move on!

Or to give another extreme example, if female genital mutilation exists in Malaysia, I wonder if people will still preserve it as part of the ‘adat’? (thankfully there arent such barbaric practices in Malaysia - or so I hope!)

I think Malaysia needs to reboot and move on. Why are we living on last century’s economic policies? Worst, we are so hung up about our racial and cultural roots that we can’t see and treat each other as equal human beings! I’m not criticising the government (bless them, my sponsors!), I’m just very upset with this pervasive mindset that we so irrationally hold on to (for old times’ sake), which simply put, is slowly eating us up like brittle rust.

I can never forget what Brian Houston said: "Don’t let your culture or background determine who you are, You determine the culture and atmosphere you live in."

In our medical school, after every teaching session, we have to fill in feedback forms - which can be pretty tedious and annoying. But if you think about it, the concept is good. Constant feedback, constantly evolving methods, always wanting to improve, not relying on old tested and tried. What a positive attitude!

God help us.

Today is catchup day. Or ketchup day in good ol manglish. I cleaned the kitchen (only to find it dirty again in less than an hour!), did my laundry, cleaned my room, updated my blog… am feeling quite pleased with myself indeed.

I used to think the 36 years old was old… but then, that’s when my mom gave birth to me! It’s not that old! So my plan now is to go back to Malaysia fast fast, work off my 10 year bond, and then get outta there and get more adventures My Christian medic friends here have this grand idea of meeting up again after 10 years to open a hospital in Africa…

10 years aint too long innit? The best is always yet to come. 5 years ago, I’d have never thought I’ll go to USA, India, Mozambique..I’m so blessed. What a privilege!

We had this lecture on Wednesday on child psychiatry. Apparently the 3 most common phobias that kids here have are fear of the dark, fear of animals and fear of death. This got me thinking… if you grow up in a kampung, there’s not much lights around…so kids get used to the dark, and lots of animals all over…so no fear of animals, and death is probably more common in a kampung Malaysia than bandar UK because of poorer healthcare…so the concept of death aint such a big deal (of course it still is…am not saying it isnt).

I think i wanna raise my kids in a kampung. Run wild, climb trees, roll in mud, chase chickens… what more can one want?

Oh and I dyed my hair… it’s kinda golden mahogany…really like it. It was DIY, so only cost £3! Sometimes i do miss my black hair tho… especially when I feel that my clothes dont match my hair colour. I need to go shopping..

Also, I went to Hillsong conference 2 weekends ago and "adopted" a boy from Columbia! He’s 5… am gonna pledge to give £18 a month for his schooling etc and pray for him. It isn’t much (though for a student’s budget, £18 can be a lot)… but in the grand scheme of things, hopefully it’ll make some difference in his life. And also, hopefully I’ll visit Columbia one day I dont remember meeting any Columbians before… but my friends have, and they say Columbian men are hot. Apparently. Yeah baby!:)

I just completed my psychiatry placement. Before starting it, I was anticipating the worst.. I just assumed that I will meet a bunch of crazy people who talk nonsense and need to pull themselves together.

I was so wrong. I really loved the block. It was really interesting talking to the patients. I haven’t met anyone who SINCERELY think they were heraring voices and are so affected by these voices. ANd those voices are often mean and cruel… swearing at them, asking them to kill themselves, talking about them. It’s really awful. And very strange.

And then there were people who were so manic they take of all their clothes and prance around in the streets, who forget their identities momentarily and just space out… not eating, drinking, going to the toilet.

I can’t imagine how people can get so ill in their minds. And it’s really sad that though they have healthy bodies, an ill mind just wreck havoc to their whole lives. All areas. Nothing spared.

I had the opportunity to speak to some of them privately. They told me they felt that God was far away..and life is empty.. and there’s no hope.

But I believe that Jesus loves them and there’s always hope. And i wish, i really wish i could help them find Jesus. Because I truly believe that’s the only way out.

One of them kept telling the consultant that he was fine, that he wanted to go home. But the consultant just told him "You are ill, I want you to take this medication."

Whereupon the boy replied "I don’t want to take that medication, it makes me drowsy. What’s wrong with me? I’m fine! I want to go home!"

There was a shouting match. It was really really sad. Coz I spoke to the boy the day before that. He felt really misunderstood… i felt that he seemed ‘normal’…or at least he was when he spoke to me.

He said I’d make a good psychiatrist. But he said psychiatrists dont understand him.. and I might get ‘warped’ into the system.

Mind games. Manipulation. Control. Helplessness. Hopelessness.

I do believe medication has its place in treatment, but there is a spiritual side that needs treating too. The soul. And how do you medicalise that?

Perhaps one day… I shall do something. One can only hope.

So here’s the story..

Earlier this year, around March, my dad told me about Iris Ministries in Mozambique. It was founded by ths lady and her husband.. Heidi and Roland. They were readng the papers about the terrible civil war in Mozambique in the late 80s and how the country’s in tatters with many displaced people and orphans. So Heidi says to her husband, "Let’s go and help them" and so they went.

It’s amazing…they managed to plant many orphanages and help lots of kids. And they weren’t like billionaires or anything… but they knew that they serve the God who owns all the riches of the earth. And there were so many miracles, people getting healed, raised from the dead, freed from violence… incredible.

I really wanted to go. I knew God wanted me to go. I could just SEE a Mozambique visa on my passport. I wanted to go in summer.

But nothing happened. I didnt have the money.. I didnt have the inspiration to write anything in my application form. It just wasnt right. It made me wonder.. was I just imagining all this? But i thought, "Ah well, I’ll go in December somehow" and just left it at that.

Then a friend who just graduated from Leicester as a doctor told me he went to Mozambique in the summer. ANd in the final 2 days of his trip, he chanced upon the Iris Ministry building and somehow got in. And he told them he was a medic. And they said that on that very morning they had a vision from God that some medics are gonna visit them this year to help them. And so they invited us to go visit them.

I can’t even begin to describe how amazed I am at how things just came together. It’s just God. Jesus. No effort on my part whatsoever. And the money situation, JPA recently announced that they were gonna increase our allowance starting september. So i get 200+ pounds more a month. Quite unexpected… what a blessing!

And so, this december, me and 4 other friends are going to Mozambique for 2 weeks. We want to know God more, we want to be inspired by how real God is. We want to be inspired. And hopefully we could help the people there too!

I am very excited Also glad to escape the cold winter and get some sunshine and warmth! Praise the Lord