if i were a painter…

Faith is being certain of something you can’t see, confident of what you hope for..

Hope is believing that things can only get better

Love is knowing that there is no fear… from the past, in the present, for the future…

Few months ago my sponsor sent an email asking students to send in our results, or else we wont get our allowance for July Aug Sept. Being the ever clueless one when it comes to these matters, i didnt get the email…and didnt know about this. So July 27 came, my bank account was running dry..and no money.

To be frank, i felt terrible. stressed out. It’s so hard to save when you live with 6 people and having to say NO when asked to go out or share money for birthday presents and stuff like that. On top of that I like cooking for people and hate the feeling that maybe, i can’t throw dinner parties as liberally as I like to.

I know, i should cut down on all those. And I’m trying to. But it pains me to refuse people..especially in doing nice fun stuff like going for birthday dinners and buying nice presents. Not that i care about whether my friends will think any worst of me (they wont), but it’s just the act of refusing to do something nice…

Its complicated. I cant figure myself out sometimes. In the end, i just tell God - You give me the money to be a blessing. I dont want to live a closed life for myself… i want to be like the woman in Isaiah 54.. to enlarge the place of my tent, spread to the right and left, never hold back in giving…

So I just told God, i’m gonna borrow money for rent (and dear sis gave me money for bills too), but You better show up coz I just hate bothering dear sis and bro for money. It was two weeks till 2 days ago, i was hoping that money would come in by then (coz a 100 pound unexpected gas bill just came in which i had to pay), but it didnt.

Man, I felt helpless. Like i was drowning. Was just wondering, "ok so what am I gonna eat next week??" coz some friends crashed over for a visit and i just cooked up whatever food i had for them.

And the mail came and some money the accomodation office owed me (150 pounds) came in the mail. Gosh..right on time! Felt quite cool actually… it’s like i’ve come to the end of myself and have to rely on Him for everything…literally.

"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If
that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and
tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O
you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
Jesus in Matthew 6

Verses like these are so easy to read and believe when it’s plain sailing.. but to actually live them, it’s a challenge…and yet an exciting journey…

And i know that i can still wake up everyday and have peace because I know that I have faith, hope and love from Him because He is GOOD and He never fails.

People say Christianity is a crutch for weaklings… I unashamedly admit that it’s true. I cant rely on myself, my parents, or anything human… why trust in humans when you can go to the one who created humans?

Another amazing testimony is that though I was in one of the broke-est times of my life - i went on a holiday to Barcelona for 3 days and lived in a hotel ALL PAID FOR!
And it was amazing…loved Barcelona..a must go place most definitely!!!

God is GOOD.

Okok, so I’ve neglected my blog for quite a while. So here is an update about myself… not that it’s important or terribly interesting… but for people with nothing better to read

After doing the cardio-respiratory block, I took 2 weeks off school and went back to Malaysia for my brother Daniel’s wedding. It was a beautiful wedding.

Then went to Borneo with sisters. Ba Kelalan village is especially too cool. It’s like the whole village has heavenly blessings or something. They grow their own rice (and sell it), gather vegetables from the forest, hunt wild boar meat, fish in the streams, rear chickens..and to make life complete, they even have salt springs which provides salt.. and salt rich in Iodine to boot (very healthy, not like the cheap white junk we usually have). And the whole village is Christian… the verse ‘The earth is full of the goodness of the Lord’ keeps going on in my mind whilst I was there. Very blown away.. and they were so kind too. People on the street’ll just stop to shake your hand and say hi and invite you into their homes for a drink or meal. Amazing.. heaven must be something like that.

Even more amazing thing is that 70 years ago, the Lun Bawang people (the tribe in Ba Kelalan) were drunkards and pretty much unemployed bums. It was said that the Brooke government then wrote them off as unredeemable, and said ‘Just leave them to die’. But they had a revival in the 70s (i think it was then?) and God transformed their lives, and they all became Christians and model citizens. I think if there was a model Christian community, Ba Kelalan would be tops. Nothing is impossible with God…

Came back to England after 3 blissful weeks in Msia. Currently doing the perioperative block. It involves lots of surgery and anaesthetics. I like anaesthetics.. surprisingly working on the Intensive Care Unit doesnt depress me… In fact, it’s the other way round. It’s like ‘miraculous that severely ill patients are still alive’ kinda feeling. And i like the fact that you can alter a person’s physiological state pretty much instantaneously by giving anaesthetic drugs. Very cool. And my surgeon is a world class surgeon who stayed in Mahathir’s house and was treated like a VIP in malaysia coz he invented some special microwave machine to treat liver cancer. His name’s David Lloyd if you’re interested in googling him.

Mind-boggling.. I was a famous surgeon’s student. It’s so cool but so ‘normal’ at the same time. Teacher. Student. School.

2 weeks left of the block… then its 3 weeks of summer holidays!!! and the weather’s getting better… hope it stays nice and sunny.