if i were a painter…

grace: so what time ru getting up tomorrow?

me: not so early lah.. 830….

Wahlau!!! i’d never thought i’d EVER consider getting up at 830 as ‘late’. It used to be abominably early for me… but i’ve apparently morphed into some ‘get-up-early-geek-who-loves-studying-medicine’.

I love how unexpected life can be.

ANyway, i’m putting the geek away for the next few days coz it’s holiday time!!!!! :) Am going to the rolling Yorkshire Dales for 4 days with some friends.. gonna stay in a hostel (which is a converted barn) and frollick in the hills. Nice.

Another thing i’d never thought i’d be is a coffee-dependent person. (No, i refuse the term coffee addict!) Coffee wakes my brain up. Without coffee my brain is as woolly as a sheep in the morning. How tragic.

"Osteoarthritis", Page 77, Apley’s System of Orthopaedics and Fractures, 8th Edition.

On hyaline cartilage (i.e the whitey, crunchy, yummy stuff at the end of the drumstick bone).

"It is supremely adapted to transmit load and movement from one skeletal segment to another. It increases the area of articular surfaces and helps to improve their adaptability and stability; it changes its shape under load and distributes compressive forces widely to the subarticular bone; and covered by synovial fluid, it is more slippery than any man-made material, offering very little frictional resistance to movement and surface gliding."

That’s so amazing… the perfect functional purpose of every single substance in our bodies just makes me go WOOOOWWWWW. I just can’t accept that we’re a product of the ‘blind watchmaker’ of evolution. And even us humans, though we have the capacity to create, can’t re-create anything that closely resembles the complex human body.

Makes me feel so in awe..and humbled that there are soooooooo many things I dont, and probably will never understand. And that the great creator of the universe would love me so much He died for me.

i love studying medicine!!!!

Last Sunday after church I went to Sainsbury with a friend to get some food. There was an elderly man near the fruit section who reeked of urine. "Probably suffers from incontinence (ie your pee leaks uncontrollaby - common in old ppl)" I thought, and moved away to get as far as I can from the overpowering and unpleasant smell.

When we went to pay for our stuff, he was right in front of us in the checkout. My first instinct was to move away so that I wont faint from the smell. But I guess it must be God that just suddenly opened my eyes to see the old man as God saw him. Smelling so badly, he’s probably used to people moving away from him.. or even worst insulting him. And he’s probably never had a hug in ages. And suddenly i felt so sorry for him.. and so much love for him that I wanted to hug him. I was reminded of the story in the Bible where the leper asked Jesus to heal him, and Jesus TOUCHED the guy and said - "I am willing (to heal you). Be clean."

This love that’s so pure and amazing goes beyond the superficial and deep into the soul and feelings of the individual. I felt so thankful to God for that practical experience of His love for people.

Anyway the old guy had trouble getting out his wallet, and as he was paying, he dropped all his coins on the floor. I quickly picked it all up for him. Coz i think he had trouble with his co-ordination as well. Poor guy. He looked so confused. May God watch over him.

Last Thursday I ate pig’s heart! My Vietnamese housemate cooked it.. wow.. just when i thought I knew enough about varieties of eaten body parts! it tasted weird… didnt really fancy it… too strong i think. And i can see the heart valves and all that.. felt a bit morbid. I think i’ll just stick to eating stomoch.

There’s been mice in my house. So a housemate put out warfarin (rat poison). And on Saturday night, i came home from a friend’s place around 1 am..opened my room door and saw a dead mouse lying cold in the middle of the floor. Felt so aweful!!! Ewwwwwww. Didnt have the heart to look anymore, much less pick it up. I called a friend who lived down the street and he came over to dispose of it. Hero!!! Oh man… traumatic indeed. Ugh. Hate rats and mice. Cant handle them. Esp dead ones. Cant imagine an unfound dead rat rotting away in some corner of the house. UGHHHHH. Lesson: Stick to mousetraps.

I’ve been feeling a bit tired lately… and homesick. The weather here’s been the warmest ever for England at this time of the year. 25 degrees yesterday!!! The evenings feel like balmy malaysian evenings.. can imagine the cool sea breeze of Gurney Drive. Mmmmmmm… glad i’ll be home in less than 2 months!! Hooray

I got a letter 2 weeks back from the med school saying that I got a Distinction overall for Phase 1! (i.e. the academic 2 and a half years). Was really happy… and grateful to God for His love.

Wasn’t really expecting it.. didnt think much about it.. so it was a pleasant surprise. I think i’ve come a long way… i used to keep tract of my achievements (or lack of it) and always strive to do better (very Asian isnt it?:)). Or compare myself with others.. etc. But i’ve learnt to let go and just BE all that He wants me to be. And my doing things doesn’t depend on others are doing or what people tell me to do, but on what i want to do.. coz i believe God made me the way i am. And i’m not happy if i’m not doing what i’m supposed to do.

So in a way, i’ve learnt to accept the fact that YES, I AM A GEEK. I do like reading and studying.. *blush* coz i like learning about things and filling my head with facts. Any facts.. as long as they are about real life. Humans. Nature. Back in high school, we were so pushed to study hard, get all As.. which was good, but i guess that attitude is not a beneficial one to have. But the opposite of pushing oneself to study is just as bad.. sometimes I feel embarassed to study coz everyone else seem to be chilling and i didnt want seem like a nerd.. But then, that’s wrong too, coz what’s wrong with learning stuff if you feel like it? and enjoy it? It’s a balance i’m still working on.. but yeah, am learning to be real and true to myself..

And I guess that’s why I can never follow a TV series (tried watching Prison Break, but gave up) coz it’s not about real people.. and i jsut can’t maintain interest. I do like watching American Idol tho..hehe.. i guess coz the people singing there are real people who hope to make it big. And who are trying their best to do what they want to do. I respect that.

The world would be great if people just be real… just be what they are meant to be…what God created them to be… and encouraging people aroudn them to BE. Was watching Lord of the Rings (again!) and it struck me, watching Sam and Frodo, that if Sam wasnt being what he was supposed to be.. and became greedy for the limelight and didnt want to help Frodo… or if Frodo thought Sam was useless and didnt want his help at all… their quest would’ve failed. I think their quest didnt succeed because Frodo was the main hero, but because everyone in the story did their best.. in their own ways and capacities.. for a cause bigger than themselves. Ah.. i love LOTR.. could watch it so many times and find something new. And JRR Tolkien was making a statement when he chose the hobbits as the main ‘heroes’. Even small, simple people can do great things..

Last week I went to Wales!! It’s so beautiful.. rolling hills dotted with sheep. If you look on a Fernleaf milk tin, looks exactly like that, cept it’s sheep, not cows:) But yeah.. followed my housemate home for the weekend. Her family are living in a caravan now coz her dad’s building a house! Gosh.. dont really hear of people building their own houses in Malaysia! Her parents designed everything and her dad’s almost single handedly building it. Respect. Such a jolly family… her dad’s such a MAN. We had such interesting discussions.. about life…

Has anyone read Wild at Heart or Captivating? Really cool books.. definitely recommended. I really found the way he dissected the story of Eden intruiging. Basically in the garden of Eden, the serpent asked Eve to eat the ‘apple’ and she did. For Eve, her sin was not trusting that God has given her everything she ever wanted or needed (she had the whole blooming garden to herself!) and that ONE tree became an obsession.

Funny how little things can become so big in our lives.. small irritating things about people, CHOCOLATE, our quirky preferences … when you take a step back, these things are nothing in the grand scheme of things and not worth our two cents emotional energy on. Sometimes when i get into a minor tiff with my ward partner, i have to stop myself and take a step back and say "this is so ridiculous! why are we arguing over the colour of so-and-so’s eyes?!!" coz it really is ridiculous. Perhaps that’s why in my medical school they make us do hundreds of pages ‘reflections’ (we even have a portfolio for it now!!) to reflect on our ‘personal and professional development’. It seems quite nonsense when reflecting becomes an assignment.. but actually… (secretly)… i think it is a good thing.

Anyway, back to the garden, Adam was standing right there when Eve took the fruit and ate it. He didnt stop her.. ah…what an idiot! i think though we women like to make decisions, men shouldnt be afraid to step in and be the MAN, the LEADER, to fight for us when they see us falling. I’ve talked to some of my girlfriends and though we like being independent, we like men to be men and take responsibility and being the leader… as long as they’re not tyrants or bullies. As long as it’s done out of love. (disclaimer - i dont speak for all women.. just for myself.. and the few i know)

And then, Eve gave Adam the fruit and he ate it. It’s interesting coz at this point, Eve had sinned but not Adam. So it was not actually about Adam eating something, but about Adam making a choice between God and the woman. To follow God or listen to the woman? I guess women being men’s greatest weakness is not a new thing as we can see. To be honest, the thought that women are a man’s greatest weakness is quite… flaterring… yet scary at the same time. So my dear men friends, be warned. Love us.. yet BE men!

Ah to find a REAL MAN!!!