if i were a painter…

From Max Lucado’s book, Just Like Jesus:

"If I your Lord and teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash each other’s feet. I did this as an example so that you should do as I have done for you" John 13:14-15

Jesus washed our feet for two reasons. The first is to give us mercy; the second is to give us a message, and that message is simply this: Jesus offers unconditional grace; and we are to offer unconditional grace. The mercy of Christ precedes our mistakes..

Jesus washed his disciples’ feet though he knew ALL of them were going to run off when he was arrested. And one was going to betray him.

Phew… what a tall order. Though we know that we can’t fully trust people, we still have to offer them grace..and serve them with love, coz we have received much grace from God.

What is grace? Grace means God forgives us from ALL our rubbish freely.. though we don’t deserve it.

I like this too:

The genius of Jesus’ example is that the burden of bridge-building falls on the strong one, not on the weak one. The one who is innocent is the one who makes the gesture. And you know what happens? More often than not, if the one in the right volunteers to wash the feet of the one in the wrong, both parties get on their knees.

Relationships don’t thrive because the guilty are punished, but because the innocent are merciful.

Phew. How true is that. It’s so gentle. Yet so difficult.

Catharsis..

(I just like using that word)

Last week I spoke to a friend about the tumultic state of my life.

Well, it’s not that bad.. but I’ve been feeling pretty crap after my exams, and during my illness. Didnt feel like praying, didnt feel like reading the Bible, didnt feel like anything. Or anything. Well, I got better.. but there were vestiges (i love big words!!). Like a splinter in your palm which you momentarily forget about, but occasionally sends a jolt of pain when u use it.

My friend advised me to go away and have time for Abigail and God. Just the two of us.

So I did. On Monday in London, I stayed at a friend’s place which was in the outskirts. Got up, did some food shopping, went for a walk in the cemetary.. was reminded of our limited time on earth and in a thousand years’ time (in eternity) how would i like to remember my life? Made me think about priorities, and doing things i wanna do, things that mattered to me the most.

And I came to the conclusion that for now, what matters to me most is being all that God meant for me to be.. using all I have for God. I think that’s when I’m happiest. When I feel like my life has some semblance of meaning.. and it’s not just a fun and random roller-coster ride. Well.. life is a fun roller-coster.. but not random. I’d like to believe there is a reason for everything to BE. Like, hands to do work, flowers to colour the world, snow to allow the heavy clouds to poo.. And people have different desires and aptitudes coz we’re meant to do different things, contribute different things.

But what is the focus? I think the focus can’t be on a person coz humans fail, without fail. And it can’t be on a ideal like capitalism coz again, it’s kinda like ‘every man for himself’ and comes back to humans.

I guess the only thing that never fails is God.. and if our focus is on God, and doing things to please him, He’ll never fail us. And it takes the pressure off us humans to make things work with our own strength.

God. Jesus. LOVE. LiFe.

Not buildings, societies, committees, rules and regulations, formulas.

That’s my two-penny worth of philosophising

Then I went for a walk in the woods.. coz I was afraid of wandering too long in the cemetary and getting locked in. The woods were magical.. like LOTR. I was walking and singing and just drinking it all in. Nice..

Then I got home, made a nice dinner, and watched 3 dvds. Passion of the Christ (first time seeing it.. been putting it off coz didnt wanna handle the emotions), Motorcycle Diaries (Brilliant movie.. it’s in Spanish.. about the young Che Guevara and his friend journeying through South America on their motorcycle. Along the way, he saw many things that made him think and change his outlook on life. He was a med student then (med students rock!!). Definitely recommended). To end the night, I watched City of Angels. Sweet.. and she’s a doctor too. Nicky Cage has such doggy eyes.

Such a wonderful day.

sea cucumber

pig’s stomoch

‘khao yok’

‘cha yok’

soft shell crabs

acar with prawn crackers

the sound and smell of fireworks in Gurney Drive

Chinese movies

playing poker with the relatives

ANG POWS!!!! (especially the stuff inside)

steamboat

My 3rd Chinese New Year away from home. Strange… those things are slowly becoming a blur now. But I know that things wont be quite the same when i go home, that’s why I dont exactly wanna go home.. coz I prefer to keep my fond childhood memories of CNY intact.

But then, I’ll be depriving myself of new good memories. So MOVE ON GIRL!!!!

I still miss those stuff though. heh. But still..I’m really blessed here. Going for Chinese New Year meal aka party with uncle in Chinatown tomorrow, plus he’s given me a pretty good ang pow:)

So I cant complain! I’m blessed

GONG XI FA CHAI!!!

2 days ago, I got this email from my math lecturer way back in college (like 3 or 4 years ago!). Funny how they remember you for the naughty things you did.

Hi there! Are you the same Abigail who took a call from Gan Jo Han in
>Oxford on your mobile phone IN MY MATHS LESSON?
>
>If so, do let me know how life is going for you these days. You must be

>near to completing your third year at university now!
>
>Cheerio for now.
>
>GONG XI FA CAI!
>
>Colin Dant
>
As you can see, I’m bored. Actually, am waiting in the comp lab for the Student Support Office to open so that I can hand in my assignment. Stupid office.. I arrived at 1205 pm.. but they have gone for lunch from 12 - 130 pm. Who takes one and a half hour lunch breaks??! I thought it only happened in Malaysia!!

But the internet is a very entertaining source of entertainment

I’m ‘plumb’.

Hehehehehhehe

i was told yesterday that I am ‘plumb’ (plump) compared to last time…

Though most girls would be offended (please dont be in the habit of telling girls that! you’ll run the risk of being strangled or have your eyeballs scratched out).. I was surprisingly

amused. Very amused. Not even offended.

Ironically I felt that in high school, I was about 5 kilos lighter than my current ‘obese’ status coz everyone in malaysia is stick thin and there’s the ever present reminder to WATCH YOUR WEIGHT.

Here in Engrand, I’m surrounded by more ‘robust’ women with more ‘womanly’ features. Hence there isn’t much of an impetus to maintain the thin status quo. In fact if i dont eat, I get told off sometimes! I’m told to ‘be proud of my body’.

How ironic is that! Wherever you go, there’s peer pressure to ‘be like everyone else’, whether to be skinny or ‘big’. So annoying… but it’s a fact. Yeah yeah…easy to say ‘just ignore them and be yourself’. I KNOW THAT. But going against the current isn’t always easy.

So I think I’m on middle ground now… not thin, not fat, but a nice comfortable ‘plumb’

And I’m quite happy with that for the time being!

Rojak because there are some things in rojak which i like.. like squid and seng kuang and the rojak sauce, and some which i avoid like the sour mempelams. Ugh. (Sorry i’m not a fan of sour stuff) ANyway, I have a sour mempelam and 2 squids to share

Last week, I was packing my toiletries bag to go off to the Christian Medical Conference, and I FOUND MY BLOODY 3 SIM CARD in my MAKE UP BAG. Which I lost since last August, and am still paying for through my nose. Was so so so so annoyed with myself. Seemed like a pretty obvious place to put something important huh? Hmmm… wat to do… moral of the story - wear more makeup next time

The conference was awesome. Was a good weekend to get my soul back into gear as I was moping about quite badly last week. I felt like God gave me a kick in the butt to get up, start livin, and stop moaning. I intend to go back to Malaysia right after I grad.. so that means I have about 2 years plus left here. Not much time. So better make the best out of it! In fact, I really wanna go to Africa this summer..hmmm..will see.

Another squid - I met this delicious looking person last week. He had such striking blue eyes…and a nice smile..sigh…hehe *giggle. Okok.. roll your eyes.. watever.. i may sound like an idiotic schoolgirl, but sometimes it’s just nice to get excited about a person of the opposite sex. Briefly. Coz maybe when you know them better, it’s so not so nice anymore. But happy people get endorphins and an occasional rush of endorphins is gooooodddddd :) Well, he’s in London, so nothing’s gonna come out of it! Ah well.. I enjoy being single.. I can’t spare time for ONE special person, coz I think I have so many special people in my life right now, why limit myself to just one??!

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY to ALL MY SPECIAL PEOPLE.. i.e. friends (you know who you are), family, dogs… I LOVE YOU XXXXXXX

I’m tired. But not exactly. I’m thinking random thoughts. Floating. My cough’s keeping me up at night. I wake up at weird hours and sleep at weirder hours. I’m feeling lazy. Probably am lazy now. I don’t know if I should have gone home to Malaysia for Chinese New Year. Funnily I didnt really want to go home. Wasnt prepared to go home, didnt know what to expect. Maybe I dont really wanna go back and face something too different that would replace my old childhood of CNY..good times good times. I’m GOING HOME FOR 3 WEEKS IN JUNE. Keep that free people. Come back come back. I’ve drifted away so far…now I’m swallowed in the sea. Help help. I think I’ve made my decision to go home straight after graduating. Tarry no longer in England. The ride’s been fun, but Abigail wants a new adventure. Random thoughts running through my head. Delirium. A tangled mess. Mass. Mesh. Can anyone make sense of this? You aren’t meant to anyway. It’s diarrhoea. Of thoughts and feelings. Save me save me. I need to dream. Nice big dreams. Of sunny islands with coconuts. And warm beaches with beautiful girls (and hunky surfers). But now I’m drifting in the sea. I don’t know myself anymore. The old world is disappearing from the horizon. But what’s the new world? Where’s the new world? What’s with everything? Why is money so important? Why are my parents growing older?

I hate being sick